Recently I read a blog post by Cor, the pastor of Hope Community Church in Minneapolis, and really appreciated his candor and conciseness, not to mention his insight. I wish some of the guys who asked me out would’ve applied these seven rules-of-thumb. Other guys nailed them all, and I still declined (for reasons of my own, not because of their failure to ask properly), but I was more likely to remain friends and give my respect and trust freely when they approached me in this way. If you’re curious what the list is, you can read Cor’s blog at http/www.justcor.com/date/.
This post is in response to the seven guidelines, because a date contains two parties, and if the men are following those guidelines, the women should know how to respond.  All these thoughts are my own, completely biased perspective, based on my limited experience.

1. Cor’s Advice to Men: Seek a friendship first.
My Advice to Women: Allow him to seek a friendship.
When a guy approaches you for the first time in a friendly manner, give him the benefit of the doubt that he just wants to get to know you as a person and a friend. You can judge his intentions about dating by the way he seeks a friendship. If he invites you to participate in group activities, be reassured that he’s cultivating companionship. If he suggests a one-on-one shortly after your acquaintance, or seems reluctant to let others in on your time together, you should be concerned about his motives for wanting to be around you. (On a personal note, I’ve been asked out so many times after first-time meetings that I am wary about meeting new guys. I hate having to preface my friendships with, “I’m not looking to date you….” Guys, make it easy for us to give you the benefit of the doubt!)

2. Cor’s Advice to Men: Take your faith seriously.
My Advice to Women: Ditto.
Like Cor said, if you, as a faith-filled woman, are intimidating to men, then they are not mature enough to lead you spiritually. Don’t get too cozy, and beware the man who pumps up his spirituality only to get you to date.

3. Cor’s Advice to Men: Be a gentleman.
My Advice to Women: Let him be a gentleman.
I remember one time I was at a restaurant with friends and went to use the restroom, a single, unisex one. My friend Dan was in line in front of me, and stepped aside to let me go first. I protested for a while (he was in line first!) until he said, “Grace, let me be a gentleman.” I realized it was his way of serving and honoring me. Girls, guys like to do stuff like that. It’s not because you’re weak or incapable. It’s just a way they show love for us. Guys, take note that it’s really hard for women to naturally let guys be gentleman (thanks to Eve and the feminist movement). We’re insecure and need to practice letting ourselves be gentlewomen, as much as some guys need to practice being gentlemen.

4. Cor’s Advice to Men: Remember the difference between confidence and arrogance.
My Advice to Women: Remember the difference between confidence and assertiveness.
Like Cor said, confidence is attractive. Assertiveness is a turn-off for guys (or at least the ones you want to keep around). You don’t need to prove anything by a low neckline, a brazen manner, or a coquettish attitude. That’s the insecure you, and he’ll want to date the transparent you, which leads to the next point…

5. Cor’s Advice to Men: Speak with vulnerability.
My Advice to Women: Encourage vulnerability.
As a woman, it’s naturally easier for you to be vulnerable. If you are the kind of woman who can be transparent about faults and mistakes and how that changed you, he is going to feel comfortable doing the same. Be inviting. Ask prompting questions, but don’t pry. Show you are trustworthy, and whatever you do, DON’T expect to be at a certain “vulnerability level” at a certain point in the relationship. Guys go at their own pace, and demanding that your emotional quota be filled by the second or third date is not a realistic expectation.

6. Cor’s Advice to Men: Be straightforward!
My Advice to Women: Give a straightforward answer!
So many guys these days are unclear about their intentions in dating. Women get used to it and when they are asked straightforwardly, they beat around the bush with their answer. If a guy asks you to go out, specifying his idea and intention for the relationship, the responsibility now falls on your shoulders to give him a specific answer. Don’t say “Maybe” or “I’ll check my calendar and get back to you.” If you don’t want to, say no. And for heaven’s sake, do it with some grace! Acknowledge the honor and give him a specific reason for saying no.

7. Cor’s Advice to Men: Express your interest in her and tell her why.
My Advice to Women: Tell him why you said yes (or no).
If you go on a date and he expresses why he’s interested, etc., you better have a reason too, otherwise things are just going to get awkward. If you’re only going because feel bad about saying no, you’ll end up lying about why you’re there. Time to practice saying no. If you do decline a date, and never intend to date him, your answer has to include that. Don’t tell him you aren’t dating at the moment and give him hope that you might in the future.
These barely scratch the surface of dating, but I’ve followed these rules pretty closely and found myself avoiding a number of scrapes.

Guys, would you appreciate women applying these? Ladies, do you apply any or all of them? What has been your experience?