Grace in "the Land of If Only"

Yesterday I initiated a car accident. (Shocking, I know!) I was leaving 35W to pick up something from my dad’s office and had to merge three lanes to get to 11^th Street. The cars were shuffling in and out as they tried to get over to 94, so I was (very responsibly) looking over my shoulder before merging. I turned to check for a clear lane before I merged into my last lane, and when I faced forward, the guy in front of me was at a standstill.

I punched the brake, swore, and my backpack went flying from the passenger seat as the front of the car crunched into his bumper. My body wrenched against the seatbelt like a ragdoll and I saw the ripple of impact as my hood bunched up.

We were at an underpass and pulled up onto the shoulder as best we could—he had bumped into the person in front of him. The cars pulled around us, crunching over the glass and fender bits. I sat clutching the steering wheel and started to cry as Kool 108 crooned Christmas music. The sandwiched driver climbed out, spreading his arms in a what-the-hell gesture, though he was probably thinking worse. He looked like a character I had seen in a movie, but I couldn’t quite place him. A cross between Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber and a Smurf, almost like Mayor Maywho in Carrey’s The Grinch.

When I came to my senses, I called my dad, called 911, and called my brother (whose car I was driving, though it really belonged to someone else). The ‘94 Chrysler La baron was drivable—we pulled off the exit and waited for the State Trooper to come file a report. I was still trying to gain control of my tears, and the two other drivers—Stuart and Michelle—were tremendously gracious about it (granted, most of the damage was done to my vehicle). “Is this your first accident?” they asked. Cool as cucumbers.

That day I learned how to exchange insurance information, and that 911 doesn’t ask what’s the nature of your emergency, but what the location is. I also learned that there is grace is not being able to determine the future. I kept thinking, if only I had stopped at the bank on the way out. If only I had gone to the coffee shop first and the office second, I might have changed the course of the future. As I reflected on it, I realized I was looking at it from the wrong angle. Instead of living in the land of If Only (a concept I read in a book by Robin Jones Gunn), I should be living in the land of grace. There was grace in the fact that I was not hurt, that Stuart and Michelle were not hurt. There was grace in my seatbelt, and that I was wearing my glasses (which I picked up not a week ago), and that I hadn’t been texting. Somehow I think there will be more grace as I work out the details of insurance and repair.

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for God’s omniscience and grace in situations beyond my control. As I reflect over the past year, I am overwhelmed by God’s gracious hand in orchestrating my future (now my past) and I have assurance that he is omnipotent to continue that work of demonstrating grace again and again in my life.